Find what?!

Man, I could really make this blog completely about WTF! Got an email today from a travel website with this subject, "Find Fright in Flight this Halloween".

Really? You want me to get scared while I'm on a flight? What marketing genius thought this one up?

Uh...WTF

Today's theme, children, is the phrase "Uh...WTF?". Made famous this weekend in a driving downpour at Carter-Finley stadium. Indeed!

Uh...WTF were you doing in a driving downpour in a football stadium? It wasn't watching a football game, that's for sure. I suppose it was half a game because USF came to play. State came to slide around in the mud and play two-hand touch. And apparently I don't have the sense to get in out of the rain.

Uh...WTF made some of my beer so carbonated? The honey amber is a very nice beer, but about 1 in 5 seem to be overly carbonated. They taste pretty much like air then. Not sure if the priming sugar didn't get mixed good with the beer in the bottling bucket or if there was some residual sugar from the honey that fermented in the bottle.

Uh...WTF happened to my cutting board? Tailgate fajitas turned out pretty good. I think we'll definitely have to do that again. And I was glad that we did some hamburger for tacos, Mike. But somehow I made it home without my cutting board. I'm sure it will turn up somewhere. Or it grew legs and walked away. In that case, I didn't want it anyway, because a cutting board with legs is just freaky.

Uh...WTF stung me on the arm Saturday? I'm assuming it was a yellow jacket, but this sting sure has bothered me more than any other recent sting. And I usually get stung by yellow jackets at least once or twice a year. I find all their nests around my house by walking through them. Yellow jackets aren't very hospitable when you visit their nest.

Uh...WTF happened to my fantasy football team? Liz and I went shopping yesterday afternoon (to look at baby cribs) around 2:00 and at that time my team had scored a whopping 25 points. Henderson had Laveranues Coles playing and Coles was outscoring my whole team. I got back home around 8:00 figuring I got my ass kicked based off how my team started playing. Turns out I scored 138 points and ended up winning by 18 points. Go figure.

Uh...WTF! How is it Monday already? Alarm clocks suck. Mine scared the poop out of me this morning. Not literally. Because that would be gross. Not as bad as a cutting board with legs, but close.

Rebel Meets Rebel

On the way back home from the William and Mary game a couple of weeks ago I forced everybody to listen to my David Allen Coe greatest hits CD. Liz was driving the truck so I got to drive the radio!

I mentioned to Casey that night that D.A.C. did a little project with some members of Pantera, including Dimebag Darrell, called Rebel Meets Rebel. I don't know why I thought of this today, but I did, so I thought I'd share a sample of their music. The song below is called "Nothin' to Lose".

What a weekend!

State beats ECU and Carolina loses. Can it get any better than that?

Other than working like a dog on my day off, I had a good weekend. I re-seeded my lawn Friday by renting a slit seeder. That things was harder to operate than I thought it would be. It about wore me slap out!

Saturday it was off to the State game. I cooked a little bit of breakfast out in the parking lot before the game. Is there anything better than drinking a beer at 9 AM while making pancakes and eating a donut? I don't think so either. By the way, I am the pancake master. But eggs get cold fast when it's 60 degrees outside and they're pretty gross when they're cold.

The game was awesome! Carter-Finley was rocking. Casey and Elizabeth hooked Liz and I up with tickets in Vaughn Towers. Now that was an experience! All the food and drink you wanted while up there. And good food, too. The snack they brought out after halftime was popcorn chicken and NC State ice cream. University Dining can sure make some good popcorn chicken! Man, I miss going to Fountain on BBQ sandwich and popcorn chicken (or fried chicken) days! And the seats were comfortable with a pretty good view. The view was actually much better than I thought it would be. But it's not the same, visceral experience as being down in the lower sections.

Sunday Liz and I went to Asheboro for a family reunion. We picked up some KFC on the way there as our contribution to the covered dish. Any day with fried chicken in it is a good day! I ate so much (even though the gathering was at 2:00) that I didn't eat supper last night. Although I did have a piece of cake as desert for my non-existent supper. A true swoll always eats desert, even if it's for an imaginary supper!

Monday's normally suck, but I brought leftover fried chicken in for lunch. So, by the fried chicken principle, it has to be a good day. Well, work is almost over. So that's good. Getting stuck in a 5:30 meeting was not good. It's 6:15 and I'm finally leaving work!

College class of 2012

Liz sent me this a couple of weeks ago and I've been meaning to post it. I always enjoy these things...but this year the incoming freshman class going to colleges and universities were born (for the most part) in the year that I started high school. Damn, I'm old!

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The class of 2012 has grown up in an era where computers and rapid communication are the norm, and colleges no longer trumpet the fact that residence halls are "wired" and equipped with the latest hardware. These students will hardly recognize the availability of telephones in their rooms since they have seldom utilized landlines during their adolescence. They will continue to live on their cell phones and communicate via texting. Roommates, few of whom have ever shared a bedroom, have already checked out each other on Facebook where they have shared their most personal thoughts with the whole world.

It is a multicultural, politically correct and "green" generation that has hardly noticed the threats to their privacy and has never feared the Russians and the Warsaw Pact.

Students entering college for the first time this fall were generally born in 1990.
For these students, Sammy Davis Jr., Jim Henson, Ryan White, Stevie Ray Vaughan and Freddy Krueger have always been dead.

1. Harry Potter could be a classmate, playing on their Quidditch team.
2. Since they were in diapers, karaoke machines have been annoying people at parties.
3. They have always been looking for Carmen Sandiego.
4. GPS satellite navigation systems have always been available.
5. Coke and Pepsi have always used recycled plastic bottles.
6. Shampoo and conditioner have always been available in the same bottle.
7. Gas stations have never fixed flats, but most serve cappuccino.
8. Their parents may have dropped them in shock when they heard George Bush announce "tax revenue increases."
9. Electronic filing of tax returns has always been an option.
10. Girls in head scarves have always been part of the school fashion scene.
11. All have had a relative--or known about a friend's relative--who died comfortably at home with Hospice.
12. As a precursor to "whatever," they have recognized that some people "just don't get it."
13. Universal Studios has always offered an alternative to Mickey in Orlando.
14. Grandma has always had wheels on her walker.
15. Martha Stewart Living has always been setting the style.
16. Haagen-Dazs ice cream has always come in quarts.
17. Club Med resorts have always been places to take the whole family.
18. WWW has never stood for World Wide Wrestling.
19. Films have never been X rated, only NC-17.
20. The Warsaw Pact is as hazy for them as the League of Nations was for their parents.
21. Students have always been "Rocking the Vote."
22. Clarence Thomas has always sat on the Supreme Court.
23. Schools have always been concerned about multiculturalism.
24. We have always known that "All I Ever Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten."
25. There have always been gay rabbis.
26. Wayne Newton has never had a mustache.
27. College grads have always been able to Teach for America.
28. IBM has never made typewriters.
29. Roseanne Barr has never been invited to sing the National Anthem again.
30. McDonald's and Burger King have always used vegetable oil for cooking french fries.
31. They have never been able to color a tree using a raw umber Crayola.
32. There has always been Pearl Jam.
33. The Tonight Show has always been hosted by Jay Leno and started at 11:35 EST.
34. Pee-Wee has never been in his playhouse during the day.
35. They never tasted Benefit Cereal with psyllium.
36. They may have been given a Nintendo Game Boy to play with in the crib.
37. Authorities have always been building a wall across the Mexican border.
38. Lenin's name has never been on a major city in Russia.
39. Employers have always been able to do credit checks on employees.
40. Balsamic vinegar has always been available in the U.S.
41. Macaulay Culkin has always been Home Alone.
42. Their parents may have watched The American Gladiators on TV the day they were born.
43. Personal privacy has always been threatened.
44. Caller ID has always been available on phones.
45. Living wills have always been asked for at hospital check-ins.
46. The Green Bay Packers (almost) always had the same starting quarterback.
47. They never heard an attendant ask "Want me to check under the hood?"
48. Iced tea has always come in cans and bottles.
49. Soft drink refills have always been free.
50. They have never known life without Seinfeld references from a show about "nothing."
51. Windows 3.0 operating system made IBM PCs user-friendly the year they were born.
52. Muscovites have always been able to buy Big Macs.
53. The Royal New Zealand Navy has never been permitted a daily ration of rum.
54. The Hubble Space Telescope has always been eavesdropping on the heavens.
55. 98.6 F or otherwise has always been confirmed in the ear.
56. Michael Millken has always been a philanthropist promoting prostate cancer research.
57. Off-shore oil drilling in the United States has always been prohibited.
58. Radio stations have never been required to present both sides of public issues.
59. There have always been charter schools.
60. Students always had Goosebumps.

Pollyanna

I get an email notification of all bugs entered into our tracking system here at work. A bug just came in because some lady named Polly Ann is getting 2 copies of some email notifications. But I scanned the email quickly and read her name as Pollyanna. That made me do a double take. Why would you name your child Polly Ann when you know the Pollyanna jokes are going to rain down like Steve Kerr threes? Why not just name the child Pippi Longstockings?

So then I searched through our user database just to see if there were any Pippi's. Apparently nobody hates their children that much. No Pippi, Pippy, Pipi, or Pipy. And yes, I looked, no Pollyanna's either.

Buck Owens vs. The Remembrandts

Listening to the radio just now and I heard the instrumental "theme" music that Buck Owens and His Buckaroos used to play. Take a listen to the first part of the YouTube video below and tell me that it doesn't sound like the theme song to "Friends". Maybe it's just me...

My lovely speed humps

On the way to lunch yesterday I saw an interesting sign at the entrance to a subdivision. It simply said...Speed Humps. I have heard of "speed bumps" in the past, but speed humps made me think I was supposed to have sex really fast.

As you no doubt know by now, I can't stop at just one random thought. No, my random thoughts are like Lay's potato chips, I can't have just one! And admittedly, I had help this time since I was riding in the car with 2 other guys. So we moved through the Black Eyed Peas and my lovely speed humps to the concept of speed titties.

I hereby propose to rename speed bumps to speed titties. Among the many benefits of this name change (well, OK, it being funny is really the only benefit), this leads to a measuring system that doesn't exist today. As you know, some speed bumps are larger than others. If you're like me, you may go over a large bump and call it a speed mountain instead of a speed bump. But you usually don't find out how big the bump is until you're over it. By applying cup sizes to warning signs, you'll have an idea how big a speed titty is. That speed mountain becomes a "DD", while the small ones that you still drive 40 mph over become "A".

Return to the popsicle stand...

All good things must come to an end. This includes weekends.

Hope everybody enjoyed theirs. Mine was pretty good. Friday night Liz and I cooked a Mama Blue lasagna (she sent us back with 2 frozen lasagnas the last time we visited) and watched "United 93". I thought that was a very good and powerful movie. Watching it the day after the 7th anniversary of 9/11 made it even more moving for me.

Saturday we went and visited some friends that Liz went to Spain with. That was a good time hanging out and catching up with them.

Sunday we hung around the house and I did some yard work and watched football. Good to see Droopy's Dozen pull out a win in fantasy football this week. Although before the 4:30 games kicked off I was pretty sure there was no way that I would win. Go Phillip Rivers!

I just looked out my window and saw a shit load of crows fly by. That's kind of an ominous sign if you ask me. Nothing quite like a flock of carrion birds to welcome the week, eh?

On a lighter note...who doesn't love good 80s music? And what could be better than an awesome 80s mashup?

Let's blow this popsicle stand!

Earlier this afternoon I was writing an email to Liz and I used the phrase, "blow this popsicle stand", as in, "I can't wait until 5:30 when I can blow this popsicle stand." What a funny statement. Where in the hell did this come from? Looking it up on the internet comes with all kinds of explanations. Most of them just weird.

So then my random mind takes it another step. Like a game of word association, the first thing that popped into my head after that statement was the Cheech and Chong movie "Nice Dreams". Anybody remember that one? The one where they're selling dope out of an ice cream truck. Also had Pee-Wee Herman in it. And the famous, "Hey man, what does poison oak look like" and "Scratch my balls!" lines!

I literally laughed out loud here in my office when I remembered watching Cheech in a straight jacket rubbing his ass along the floor yelling for somebody to scratch his balls! Sometimes I crack myself up. Figuratively, that is.

Video Game vs. Real Life

I've shared this Guitar Hero video with several people in the past. It's a guy playing Dragonforce's "Through the Fire and Flames" on expert. It is insane how fast the notes fly at you.


I used to think there was no way that playing the song in real life could be as hard as that song is in Guitar Hero. But then I saw this...


Which is harder? Real life or the video game? You make the call!

Wow! Did you see this?!

I didn't see this until this morning. Watch Georgia running back Knowshon Moreno hurdle a Central Michigan defender. And I don't mean a guy laying on the ground!

Is the world coming to an end?

I'm sure by now that you've all seen the articles about the Large Hadron Collider firing up for the first time tomorrow. Will we create a black hole that sucks up the entire planet?

Not if you listen to Professor Brian Cox from the University of Manchester. He dismisses those fears as nonsense. Did I mention that he used to play keyboard with the pop band D:Ream (look in the 3rd paragraph above the picture)? This obviously increases his scientific credentials! Why is this statement in the article?!

The Snowman passes

Somehow I missed the fact that Jerry Reed passed away earlier this month. You'll remember him from movies like "Smokey and the Bandit" and of course as Coach Red Beaulieu from "The Waterboy", but he was a talented musician as well.

How about a little "Amos Moses" in tribute...

Zack and Miri

For those of you who don't know, Kevin Smith has a new movie coming out this fall. The title is "Zack and Miri Make a Porno" and stars Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks. The trailer below is clean and hilarious!



The red band trailer is not as clean, but equally hilarious!

And so we begin again...

I find the word stupendous strange this afternoon. Does that ever happen to you? Right now "stupendous" sounds like it is derived from stupid and should have a meaning opposite of the one it does. Indeed (that one is for the tailgaters out there), I'm weird.

I've discovered that no matter how long the weekend, it seems to go by fast. It's like some weird warping of the space/time continuum to make 3 days really seem like 2.

Friday I did all my chores around the yard since a) there was a tropical storm coming and I wouldn't get to work outside Saturday, and b) I was going to the NC State game Saturday night.

Saturday was full of football and football related activities, like cooking ribs. And it's always nice to watch the Wolfpack win, even if it wasn't the best game I've ever seen at Carter-Finley.

Sunday, Liz and I went down to Mom and Dad's for Klay's birthday party. That was a good time with another big meal in the middle of the afternoon (we ate around 4:00 at the tailgate on Saturday and had an early supper/late lunch on Sunday around 3:00). Eating meals so big that you don't need supper does tend to throw your eating habits off.

Tomorrow, I rub my meat!

I'm putting a dry rub on some ribs, you dirty pervs! I wonder what sort of Google Ads that title will generate!

Tomorrow is my day off, although I do have to call into a 2PM conference call. Hopefully that won't last long. On the agenda for tomorrow is to create my rib rub and apply that to the ribs for the tailgate on Saturday. I also need to de-bone my dove breasts and start marinating them.

I'll rack my mead and get it off the ginger. The mead is still fermenting away. It's probably still 3 months from completion. I'll rack it again in another 2 months and then wait for it to clear (probably another month after that). At that point it will be ready to bottle.

By the way, XM Radio is pretty amazing. I swear, you can hear just about everything ever made if you listen to it long enough. Did you know that Prodigy has a song called "Smack My Bitch Up"? I shit you not. That's the name of the song. It's pretty much techno for 5 minutes with random shouts to, and I quote, "Smack my bitch up!" For your listening enjoyment, I found a You Tube video of the song that includes some clips of the battle of 1,000 Agent Smith's from the second Matrix.

Google Chrome

Google has entered the browser arena with Google Chrome. The comic book description of the browser was pretty cool!

A beta version went live today. I downloaded it earlier and have been playing with it this afternoon. So far it's pretty cool.

Voice over king dies

Don LaFontaine has died at age 68. He's the voice over guy that always said, "In a world where..." and was recently in some Geico commercials.

This made me think of a video I saw a few years ago of several famous voice over guys. It was interesting to put a name to the voices you've heard thousands of times.

Long weekend + 3 day work week = AWESOME!

As the title suggests, this Friday is my alternate Friday! So between Labor Day and my Friday off I'm going to have 2 three day weekends with a three day work week in between. Not too shabby!

I hope everybody had a good weekend. Mine was quite nice. Saturday morning I bottled number 25 (my honey amber) and it tasted good! I didn't end up using honey as the priming sugar because I thought it tasted sweet enough as is. I was afraid that using honey when bottling would make the honey taste too overpowering. We'll see what it tastes like in a couple of weeks when it's carbonated and ready to drink. It ended up being around 6% so it should get the job done. If it's ready to drink I'll bring some to the ECU game on the 20th.

Saturday night Liz and I went to dinner at Maggiano's. We're trying to get lots of dates in before the baby comes! I know this will be hard to believe, but I didn't get chicken parmesan! I know. Shocking. I got chicken saltimbocca instead and it was excellent. It really did jump into your mouth!

Sunday we had our fantasy football draft. Hopefully my team will be better than the bunch of misfits and rejects I had last year. Last years team may as well have been 3-eyed sheep fuckers. It was a lot of fun hanging out and talking smack with everybody at the draft. Except for Mike's vicious farts, it was a good time!

Liz and I went down to my parents on Labor Day. I went dove hunting and she hung out with Mom, Kerri, and baby Klay. Yesterday was actually Klay's 1st birthday. Happy birthday, Klay! I had a pretty good day hunting yesterday. I shot better than I had in years. I ended up knocking down 7 birds (after taking 49 shots), but only found 3 of them. We were hunting at a soybean field and the beans were over waist high in many places. That made it very difficult to find anything that fell in the field. Only downside was that it was hotter than 40 hells yesterday and wearing long pants and long sleeve camo made for a sweaty afternoon. It was fun and now I've got 9 dove breasts I can cook at the tailgate on Saturday.

Off to meetings and other fun Monday stuff.